Posts (page 2)
Last night before I prayed, I was reading through 1 Thessalonians and God gave me something to pray for my church:
"Finally, dear brothers and sisters, we urge you to live in a way that pleases God, as we have taught you. You live this way already, and we encourage you to do so even more." (1 Thessalonians 4:1)
V 9-10: But we don't need to write to you about the importance of loving each other, for God himself has taught you to love one another. Indeed you already show your love for all the believers, throughout Macedonia. Even so, dear brothers and sisters, we ure you to love them even more."
So this is what I'm praying:
Even more hands to the plow.
Even more obedience
Even more passion
Even more generosity
Even more Interceding for the saints
Even more Unity, and comeing together under the common cause
Even more willing vessels, and discovery of individual giftings
Even more support for our pastors, and rallying behind their vission
Even more understanding of authority
Even more intollerance for sin in our lives
Even more of the pressence of God...
I'm proud of The Rock Church. I'm proud of my pastors. I give glory to whom glory is do for the growth in my heart as well, but I am not content. I am not satisfied. I want EVEN MORE, because that's what Jesus wants from all of us. EVEN MORE, and I believe that The Rock Church is an EVEN MORE church. It's not an ok...we met our quota for the week, we can pat ourselves on the back and enjoy the fruit of our labors now. I don't think so. We rejoice in the accomplishments and the blessings of God, and then we start setting the stage and preparing for EVEN MORE.
I'm listeing to pastor Jeff's message from Sunday. If you want to hear it again it's on Knightrous....
I've been reading psalm 119 a ton recently...It's something that I've really been able to own, and it expresses the cry of my heart, to be a doer of God's word, to delight in his Word, to live, eat, breath, and yes, even sleep in the word. I am nightmare prone, so at night when I go to bed, I put my audio Bible c.d.s on repeat, so that even though I'm not aware of it, the Word is protecting my mind. Anyways, back to the Psalm...
I don't have a ton of time to write today, but I wanted to share some verses that I've written down, and pray through with my rhema card. It helps me to pray for others and myself. MY FAVORITE and the one I thought of a lot while Pastor Jeff was preaching thismorning was: V 71: "My suffering was good for me, for it taught me to pay attention to your decrees." And everyone said: AMEN. That's why I read the word a lot, and do my utmost to be a doer and not just a hearer...I have experienced the suffering that comes from trying to live life without it. Here are some others:
v 5 "Oh, that my actions would consistantly reflect your decrees!
v 8 "Please don't give up on me! (PRAISE GOD THAT HE DIDN'T)
v 10 "Don't let me wander from you commands
v 18 Open my Eyes to see the wonderful truths in your instructions
v 25 I lie in the dust, revive me by your word.
v 28...encourage me by your word, keep me from lying to myself; give me the privelege of knowing your instructions.
v 36 Give me an eagerness for your laws, rather than a love for money! Turn my eyes fom worthless things, and give me life through your word.
v66-67 ...now teache me good judgement and knowledge. I used to wander off untll you disciplined me; bunt now I closely follow your word.
To: the Reluctant Witness with Love
Open wide your mouth, I’ll fill it.
Open wide your mouth and Spill it.
I’ve called you to the broken, Go! I’m not joke’n
The time for Resting is over. My message makes that father sober.
I chose you, you can’t escape, to share my love with that victim of rape.
How did you rob me? With your silence!
When you stood back and told me nope,
You robbed my precious hurting child of hope.
I’m tired of watching you sit idly by while the world goes to hell,
just because you’re more comfy in your shell.
Do you really need another sign, or maybe a slice of cheese with that wine?
Go tell your excuse to that woman who suffers from domestic abuse.
Open wide your mouth, I’ll fill it.
Open wide your mouth and spill it.
I feel like my body has been hit by a train. I Feel full of crap that doesn't need to be in my body, so I'm trying to flush it out by drinking a lot of water today. I don't know if I've got too much caffine in my systom or what. I was fasting from soda for a long time, so I missed it and then I started drinking coke... a lot of coke. And eating a lot. I feel burnt out and I'm not even doing a whole lot. I'm trying to quit smoking. I don't even know why I do it. It tastes like crap. It makes my chest hurt. I feel like I want to go back to bed, but then I would just lay there and think and not be able to sleep anyways. I quit taking my anti-depressents because I was doing so well I thought I didn't need them anymore. Maybe I should re-think that decission. I don't really have any good reasons to be depressed, if that's what I am. God is my source, what do I need all this junk for? I just need to de-junk this week. That's what I'm going to do. De-junk. I think I'll call Shelbert and see if she wants to go for a long walk on the trail, or mabe I'll just take Zoe and my ipod. Pray for me. I'm not sad or upset. My body just feels all junky.
I am not broken. I am not hurt. You know what the great thing about blogging is? It's a great place to lift up the name of Jesus, right in the middle of the fire. Church, the blows are going to come. Mine came at 4:00 last night...and as I walked home, trying to figure out what my emotions were, besides shock, I was just...Overwhelmingly full of grattitude, and overwhelmingly in love with Jesus. My life is in his hands, and so is my heart. My heart is so tender right now, that I don't even care that when I get married, the Daddy dance won't happen. Because right here, right now, the dance is in my heart. The fire doesn't burn right now, because my face is in his chest, and I know he has a plan, and though he may correct me, He's not going to leave me. I could be stripped of everthing in the natural, but he would still be here, and he would still be sweet, and faithful, and constant, He would still provide, but even more importantly, he would still love.
Even when I know God is telling me to do something, or I'm 99.9% sure, it's good to have confirmation! I know that while I'm saving money and getting on the waiting list and working out financial aid and what not to go to EVCC, I want to work for a while as a CNA. Laurie told me about this school a while ago, and yesterday after church, I asked Laurie to send me the website again, because I want to do it....And so when I went to work, I sat down to fold some laundry in the livingroom, and on the coffee table was the job source section of the newspapper with the Medprep add right on the inside. I know it was God.
In the time it took me to walk from church to the bus, God not only confirmed my vission for myself, but elaborated on it, and took it from a Megster sized vission, to a God sized vission. Yes, I am going to be a nurse. But it doesn't stop there...I am going to be a dangerous nurse.
Years ago, God gave me a dream and confirmed it several times, that I would minister in Africa. He broke my heart for the people there, but for a long time, I didn't tell anybody except Leslie. It wasn't just any kind of broken heartedness. I watched the televission on my knees in tears...I felt broken, but compelled. Shortly after my first experience, the African missionaries visited the Rock Church (This was way before I was an intern).....And my heart began to stir again, only to go back to being dormant for another couple of years.
I know, with everything inside of me, that this has not been just some lofty brainstorm. It has been devine conception. You know how I know? Pregnant women have cravings. Strange cravings. And I have been craving the word like I don't know what, I mean, I'm like a logos rhema oinker thing right now. And not just the word, but I've been reading parts of the word that before did not appeal to me, like 80% of the old testement. Reading Leviticus and Deuteronomy....Talk about the peanut butter and pickles of the Bible. Not that any part of God's word isn't good, but there are times when parts are more appealling to you, and times when those parts are hard to read and boring. Seriously. But it tastes good. You know why it tastes good? Because I want to know every part of God. I want it all. Not Just the same old stuff I always read. I want to be full of it all, I want to hear everything he has to say, and read every part that I never read before, all of the things I once considered boring, taste sweet, and fill me up, just because God spoke it. They are words out of his mouth. That's how conception happens...through shameless exploration.
So hear is my dream and my vission- to go to school... And then eventually once I get my barings, to go care for sick people in Africa. It's going to take A LOT of hard work, but God gave me these things in my heart, my passion for caring for people, for a reason. Realizing that passion is only the beginning. It may not happen for ten or twenty years, but I'm going to spend that time being faithfull to God, and praying, and being obedient.
Since I've been struggling with my speach lately, I thought I would do some reflecting on what God's word says about this particular struggle of mine right now. The Bible says that the power of life and death are in the tongue, wich means that we can either speak life giving words, edifying words....or words that bring distruction. As a Christ fallower, my hearts desire is not to be destructive!!!! However, when I am in situations at work, especially in light of the recent cuts in hours, and people being upset with the leadership, and angry with eachother, it's difficult not to adopt the bitter attitudes, and without even thinking this past couple of weeks I've found myself contributing to gossip, or laughing at jokes that are inapropriate, and the closer I get to God, the more I read the word, The more I know that I should not be doing these things, the more they feel wrong! Praise God that they feel wrong. But I really want to get control over this problem, Bitterness has NO place in my heart, and I want it gone. I don't even know if I do it to find common ground with my peers and co-workers or what. I've come close to telling people that I can't listen to that kind of talk about other people, infact, I've said that I don't think we should be talking about this....but I don't say the real reason why...I just say that it doesn't help the situation and it just makes us angry and makes it harder to focus on what we have to do when we are angry. And that is true.....But I just feel so convicted right now, because my workplace needs encouragement right now.
"Don't use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them." (Ephesians 4:29)
"Get rid of all bitterness , rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you." (Ephesians 4:31)
" We can make a large horse go whereever we want by means of a small bit in it's mouth. And a small rudder makes a huge ship urn hwerever the pilot chooses to go, even though the winds are strong In the smae way, the tongue is a small thing that makes grand speeches.
But a tiny spark can set a great forest on fire. And the tongue is a flame of fire. It is a whole world of wickedness, corrupting your entire body. It can set your whole life on fire, for it is set on fore by hell itself." (James 3:3-6)
"There is more hope for a fool than for someone who speaks without thinking" (Proverbs 20: 20)
" As surely as a north wind brings rain, so a gossiping ongue causes anger." (Proverbs 25:23)
Would you agree with me in prayer?
Dear Jesus,
Thankyou for giving me a eyes to see, ears to hear, and a mouth. If I didn't have a mouth, I couldn't speak or sing your praise, and to be able to do that freely is an amazing gift that I never want to take for granted. I confess to you right now that I am having trouble with my mouth, and the words I find comeing out of it. One moment, I'm singing your praise, and the next I'm cursing my boss...blessings and curses have come out of my mouth God, and I desire to speak nothing but blessings. I thankyou for the blood that cleanses me from all sin. I cry out to you right now Jesus, with all of my heart, and I ask you to help me. I can't do this by myself, as much as I'd like to blink my eyes and see it be over, I know it's going to take some work, but Jesus, you are able. You make the blind see and the lame walk, you are a healer Jesus, and I need healing. Holy spirit, help me controle this tongue! Help me to be your mouthpiece, and not the devils mouthpiece, the last thing I really want to do in my heart is stir up strife. You said "Blessed are the peacemakers." Jesus, make me a peacemaker. Transform me Jesus. I love you. Thankyou for knowing my heart, thankyou for knowing that I'm trying, and thankyou that ours is not a performance based relationship, thankyou that you haven't left me.
In your precious name,
Amen
I'm beginning to like the challenges and the difficulties, and all of the negative junk surrounding me right now. I've never read my Bible on such a constant basis in my life. Everytime I get a second I find myself reaching for the Word, and even though my circumstances are looking a little bleek, for the most part, my mind is not. My fast begins in the morning, I haven't even started and I can already feel God moving. I remember on Sunday when Jeff asked us to reflect on where we were a year ago, but it didn't really hit me untill he mentioned something he'd preached at the beginning of the year...and they were words I hadn't been there to hear. I'm approaching my 23rd birthday. I'm feeling old. I'm feeling my clock ticking...but today in my quiet time I decided...It doesn't matter. My God in every way, even ways I don't know yet, can fill the void. It's ok that I'm single. It's ok that my hours are few at work next week and I don't know if it's permanant or not. It's ok. I was reading the story of Balak and Balaam, it's in Numbers if you want to look it up. And Baalam says something to the effect that even if he wanted to he couldn't prevent God's will. If I continue to be faithful to God in this season, I know that nothing and nobody can prevent God's will from comeing to pass in my life, and that's all that's important.
